The art of grieving our losses is something many of us were never taught. Left to our own, awkward surprise, loss can attach itself to today’s experience; it can recur in our memory; and we often anticipate it into the visions of our future.
Just like you, I have suffered loss.
Loss has appeared while uncovering childhood traumas. Loss has also accompanied physical injuries & the death of loved ones. It slapped me in the face with feelings of loneliness, sick-to-my-stomach sadness, deep rage & depression.
The grief can be so real.
The word grief drops a pit into my stomach that makes me want to curl up into a ball & hide.
The etymology of the word grief comes from a word that translates to English as “heavy.”
The word grieving means “to cause pain.” And really, who wants that? Who would invite that weight onto themselves?
To grieve means we have to face the pain, to deal with the anguish & to disrupt our current understanding of reality.
Though we may have been programmed to avoid all of the above - learning how to confront “the pain” is truly the only way we can grow.
“Every one of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive.”
― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore
Loss shows up in a myriad of ways, and my recent achilles tendon rupture has been a not-so-subtle reminder of the mental war zone & the immense sense of loss that comes along with a physical injury.
Not being able to use my left leg for 3 months & coming to the reality that I won’t be able to perform physical activities, like running, for 12 more months forced me to change a lot of things.
I’ve had to accept the loss of being “Miss Productive.” I’ve learned that I am so attached to doing things - cleaning my house, working out, handling all the things - that not being free to move at my natural pace comes with its own anger and with a face full of resistance. This loss is undeniable, and yet I am still unable to fully accept the reality of it.
I’ve had to grieve the loss of my powerful soccer legs. My whole life, I’ve prided myself on how strong my legs are & how quickly I could sprint. 25 years of soccer playing & still going!... until now.
My body (no doubt) moves slower now, but I’ve had to also consciously practice my brain into slowing down.
This injury has me re-evaluating how I approach training my clients & training my own body.
It has me thinking about mental health & how I can help others through their understanding & acceptance of loss.
The post-injury voice in my head has been very negative. A depressed victim of repeated “why me,” & “I am weak.”
It has been tough trying to sort through the noise of anxiousness, blame & worry.
But, my meditation practice helps.
By pausing to meditate, I create space in my psyche to sift through the thoughts, and I remember:
I get to choose to feed the anxious victim.
OR
I can meet myself where I am & focus on what I can do.
Meditation creates an atmosphere for allowing, where I can respect my tears & lay down my armor of having everything under control.
I think we all can agree that there is power in making the conscious decision to be where we are. But, the steps to get out of feeling bad for oneself takes practice & patience.
My meditation practice has grown incrementally over the past 15 years, & the biggest thing I’ve learned is this:
Awareness is a Superpower.
Meeting yourself where you are is your superhero uniform.
Focusing on what you can do is choosing to use your power for good.
The mind loves to tell stories.
Meditation helps you write a story where you are the good guy, doing the best you can.
Through meditation you learn to access tools like nasal breathing, yoga nidra, sense perception & mantra.
These have been the mental loop interventions I’ve needed & so I created the 14-Day Beginner Meditation Guide.
It is a guide to help you harness your superpowers.
It is a guide to help you create space in your psyche.
In this guide you will learn:
- How to calm your nervous system
- Tricks to slow down & control your mind
- How to find your alignment & create balance
- Tips to increase your capacity to handle life situations
Click here to download your 14-Day Beginner Meditation Guide.
If you are looking for support to get you from injury back to functioning with strength, I offer live zoom classes & virtual personal training. Check out my website to learn more: www.JessiRoseMcMaster.com